Blah Blah Blah
by Spark Buster
Summary: A songfic inspired by Ke ha's 'Blah Blah Blah.' LockdownxSwindle. I seem to be fantasizing about this pairing lately.. hmm.. anyway, reviews please my loves! I apologize for any nosebleeds.


"So…. Lemme get this straight, you want me, to be your bodyguard while you make a sale?" Lockdown rubbed the back of his head with a servo.

"Yeah, and we'll be in our holoforms," Swindle replied sipping in his energon.

"Wait- Why again?" the tattooed mech asked.

"Well, we won't attract attention, and my… uh- client is wanted from the Elite Guard," the arms dealer replied.

"Hmmm….. What's in it for me?" Lockdown grinned.

"Hmm, 80% off my merchandise?" Swindle shrugged.

"Deal," Lockdown said as he left to his ship.

Swindle sighed and smiled, he would have Lockdown accompany him; of course, he didn't really need a body guard, he just wanted Lockdown.

For an orbital cycle now, Swindle had been having "stirrings," of course, after a week, he finally admitted to himself that he had feelings for the bounty hunter.

"Primus, my processor must be glitched," the purple and tan mech suppressed a chuckle.

Lockdown was actually a pretty nice mech, he didn't hurt Swindle, and they'd known each other for a good amount of stellar cycles.

… On the Death's Head …

"I love you, Swindle," Lockdown muttered.

"No, that's too straight forward, he might jerk away… hmmm, maybe after this mission, I'll take him to a bar in Oasis," Lockdown sighed.

Swindle. That sexy tan and purple mech with the sexy aft that Lockdown seemed to have fallen in love with.

"Mmm, that aft," Lockdown smiled.

VVVVVVVVV

Lockdown put on his holoform; he was 5'12, he had albino skin, and tattoos still. He had a black leather jacket that fell past his ass, with green lining and spikes on the shoulders.

"WHAT THE SLAG!"

Lockdown's head snapped up as he heard Swindle scream…. With his voice a few optics higher.

"Swindle what's wrong-"

Everything was wrong.

Swindle was in his holoform- and judging by the fact that his clothes were sprawled all over the floor, he was changing- but he was a girl. He had at least size D breasts, and his hair was long, with little chopped up bangs.

Lockdown's face was heated, and energon spewed from his nose.

Swindle's face was red too, and then broke the silence,

"WELL? GET OUT!"

Lockdown slammed the door shut at light speed.

"Damn, Swindle…" Lockdown sighed.

It took at least 15 minutes, and then Swindle walked out of his room.

He was 5'7, wore a tan t-shirt that said LOCKDOWN with a picture of a lock, boot-cut jeans, and purple Converse hi-tops.

Lockdown raised his left tattooed eyebrow at the sight of the shirt.

"It's the only thing that matched my color!" Swindle snapped.

They left in a van that Lockdown "borrowed" and drove to a hotel.

"So….. we'll be staying here for 2 days?" Lockdown asked.

"Yup," Swindle replied as the elevator dinged.

Swindle opened the door to their shared room and his jaw dropped.

"What's up with the hanged mouth?" Lockdown asked behind him.

"That," the purple haired dealer pointed to the bed.

"I fail to see the problem- Oh….. this is going to be awkward," Lockdown stared at the only king sized bed in the room.

"Uh… I'll sleep on the floor," Swindle suggested.

"Woah! No way, I know how to be a gentlemen, I'll sleep on the floor," Lockdown shot back.

"No," Swindle laid a few blankets on the floor.

Lockdown grabbed at Swindle's waist and pushed him onto the bed.

"I. Said. No. We can each have half the bed, okay?" Lockdown's faced peered down at Swindle's.

They just stared into each other's eyes, Lockdown inching his face closer to Swindle's.

Swindle wrapped his girly arms around the bounty hunter's neck and brought their lips together.

Lockdown's eyes widened but responded kissing back while Swindle's legs wrapped around Lockdown's well-built waist.

They pulled apart.

"Just what in Primus was that?" Lockdown asked.

Swindle kissed him again but shortly and softly.

"What was that?" Swindle asked.

"A kiss," Lockdown replied.

"Then that's the answer to your question," Swindle got up and smiled as he called his client.

"_What the Pit, Swin? You just kissed me…. not that it wasn't great, but why did you do it?"_ Lockdown thought to himself.

VVVVVVV

Afternoon came the next day, and the pair went to a nearby Starbucks to meet up with Swindle's client.

"Ah, Swindle! It's been a while! You look… great," a man with medium length tousled hair, a white t-shirt, and straight jeans called to the dealer.

"I don't wanna hear it, Eagle, I had a holoform malfunction," Swindle narrowed his eyes.

"And this is?" Eagle pointed to Lockdown with his eyes.

"A friend, and my current bodyguard," Swindle replied.

"Hmm, are you… an item?" Eagle chucked.

"What? NO!" the two roared at the same time.

"Sad… betcha'd make a great pair," the dealer's client frowned.

VVVVVVV

"So, how'd you do?" Lockdown asked.

"Made a 800,000 credits!" Swindle beamed.

"That's great," Lockdown plopped a kiss on his forehead.

"Wha- Lockdown?" Swindle stopped.

"What? We gotta celebrate!" Lockdown smiled a toothy grin.

"Celebrate? Or is this just a way to waist my newly earned credits?" Swindle raised an eyebrow.

"Who said it was your credits? 'Sides, we're using my organic cash, we're going to a club," Lockdown picked up Swindle and gave him a piggy back ride back to their hotel.

"_I love you," _Swindle thought to himself as he smiled.

VVVVVV

Lockdown wore a black V-neck with jean shorts with purple OSIRIS Hi-tops, and Swindle wore a t-shirt that cut off at his waist that read, BOOM! with slightly ripped shorts and dark green sandals.

Swindle on the inside couldn't take it anymore, he was going to interface the frag outta Lockdown tonight, by acting drunk, and turning him on in ways he never felt.

"Swin, you are wasted," Lockdown watched his friend drink his 20th glass of vodka.

"Nu-uh," Swindle purred.

"_Act drunk," _Swindle told himself.

Soon, Ke$ha's 'Blah Blah Blah' was bursting through the speakers, and Swindle decided to show off his wild side.

~_Coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah_

_Zip your lips like a padlock_

_And meet me at the back with the jack and the jukebox~_

Swindle hit the floor, running his hands through his hair, and smiling and winking at Lockdown.

_~I don't really care where you live at_

_Just turn around boy and let me hit that_

_Don't be a little bitch with your chit chat_

_Just show me where your dick's at~_

Swindle skipped toward Lockdown, smacked his ass, and trailed his finger where his little "friend" was getting hard.

"Damn, Swin," Lockdown began breathing heavily.

The song played, and there was this one part of the song when Swindle started pole dancing, and running his hand in his pants, tugging at his Victoria Secret panties.

~_Boy come on get your rocks off_

_Come put a little love in my glove box_

_I wanna dance with no pants on_

_Meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox_

_So cut to the chase kid_

_'Cause I know you don't care what my middle name is_

_I wanna be naked_

_But you're wasted~_

"Hey! I'll give ya $50 if ya get in my bed!" a man offered; suddenly men kept calling out prices for Swindle which angered Lockdown.

"Sorry boys, but I'm taken! Taken by that hot, and sexy albino with the turn on tattoos over there," Swindle- still acting drunk and a pole dancer on purpose- pointed to Lockdown.

"Hell yeah, she's taken…" Lockdown roared, but lowered his voice when he realized: Swindle was wasted, he didn't really mean it.

"We're going," Lockdown paid, and drove back to his ship, taking out his holoform and Swindle's.

"What the frag!" Lockdown screamed.

"Ungh! Talk dirty to me!" Swindle moaned.

"STOP IT! You're drunk! You don't love me! And you're not mine!... Even though I want you to be…." Lockdown choked.

"_Hey, it actually worked!" _Swindle decided to break out of character.

Swindle bursted out fits of laughter.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY! I LOVE YOU!" the bounty hunter yelled.

"Thank Primus one of us said it!" Swindle kissed Lockdown.

"Wait, what?" the bounty hunter was confused.

"I planned it! I acted drunk so you'd see me dance, and do all that stuff for you!" Swindle laughed.

"Why, though?" Lockdown asked.

"Because I love you, too, and I really wanted to frag you tonight," Swindle replied.

No response.

"Lockdown?"

No response.

"Lockdown, I'm really sorry, I was just afraid that you'd reject me."

No response.

"Please don't give me the cold- UHNGHH!"

Response.

Lockdown nipped and licked at Swindle's neck.

"Don't. Do. That. Again."

"What? Acting like a stripper?" Swindle asked.

"Yes, did you see those men? You. Are. Mine!" Lockdown licked Swindle's chasis.

"Ngh! Don't- act like y- you didn't like it!" the dealer moaned.

"Maybe you can put on another show for me?" Lockdown chuckled.

"Of course," Swindle pushed away and hit Lockdown straight in the head.

VVVVV

"_That little fragger,"_ Lockdown grumbled as his optics widened.

"SWINDLE!" the bounty hunter yelled as he looked at himself and saw that his arms were stasis cuffed behind him, and he was tied to his chair with some strong Cybertronian rope.

"Yes?" the familiar voice purred.

"When I get out, I'm gonna-"

Lockdown's mouth hung open and his optics widened.

Swindle only had one piece of armour, and that was his silver plate that covered his port.

"You want a show? I'll give you a show," Swindle began tracing circles around his plate.

"Mmm, it feels great, did you know that, Locky?" the dealer moaned.

Lockdown licked his lips and nodded.

"You want me?"

The bounty hunter nodded once more.

"Too bad, you can later," Swindle sucked two digits.

Lockdown thrashed but began heating up as Swindle stuck the two digits in his port.

"LOCKDOWN!"

Lockdown's cooling fans kicked in and his cable was getting hard.

"N- Need you! Now! MMMM!" Swindle placed the- now very wet- two digits in his mouth and began moaning while he touched himself.

"Swin…" Lockdown moaned getting aroused.

"Want me to make you feel better?" the arms dealer asked.

"Yes."

Swindle kneeled in front of the bounty hunter and asked him to retract his plating.

Soon, the tan and purple mech began sucking the erect cable and started tracing circles on Lockdown's hip seams.

"Ungh!" Lockdown moaned as lubricants seeped from his port.

"You- taste so good!" Swindle kissed the bounty hunter, letting his glossa slide in.

Swindle unlocked the stasis cuffs and cut the rope, causing Lockdown to jump on him.

"YOU LITTLE TEASE!" Lockdown moaned as his and Swindle's cables clashed together making the both overload.

"Lockdown!" Swindle moaned as the bounty hunter's hands caressed his aft.

"Yes?" Lockdown purred in replied.

They overloaded at least 5 times before Swindle answered as he knocked off into stasis.

"I love you."

VVVVVV

Swindle yawned as he stretched out; he looked down, Lockdown's head was nestled near his crotch.

Swindle placed his hand on the green mech's head stroking it slowly.

"I love you so much, Lockdown. You mean a lot to me," Swindle laughed, "you have no idea how many times I've wanted to tell you to go to my storage and find me without my armour and only a price tag covering my port! Ahh…. Those were the best dreams."

"How much would I have to pay?"

Swindle shrieked and jerked back.

"You slagger! You were awake!" the arms dealer frowned.

"C'mon, don't get angry after the best night of our functions," Lockdown smiled.

"Guess so," Swindle snuggled with Lockdown.

"You put on a great show," Lockdown acknowledged.

"Thank you," the van placed a kiss on his lover's cheek.

"Swindle?"

"Yes, Locky?"

"I love you."


End file.
